justonetruth | (no subject)

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Conan stood in the doorway of his room. He was gripping the door frame, taking deep breathes and letting them out slowly. He didn't leave often, usually only for trips to the library or for food. Maybe the occasional odd trip to explore, but otherwise, he kept to the room. Because he knew there was a risk in leaving.

He could see HER again. And he hadn't been ready for that. Years, for years she'd been gone. He was almost twelve again, and he'd been eight again when he lost her. He had given up on her. He'd given up on seeing her.

And he came here and did. At first he thought if he just waited long enough, he'd been sent home again, but it didn't look like he was again and with each passing day, he was likely to run into her. He didn't want to freak out on her. He didn't want to scare her or hurt her. So he had no choice. He had to face her.

He took one last deep breathe and let it out again before venturing into the halls and started to walk. "R....Ran!" He called, his voice cracking at first. How long had it been since he dared to say the name aloud? It'd been too long. But he had to say it. He had to accept this truth and....and deal with it. "Ran!" Hopefully he was prepared as he thought for whenever his call actually reached a Ran.

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And reach a Ran it did.

Contrary to Conan's isolation, the community Ran wandered the mansion quite a bit. It helped to clear her mind when she started thinking too much about everything she had learned here, and was a nice alternative to practicing karate in the gym all the time (when she could even find it. Having rooms that moved was really troublesome sometimes).

Things weren't bothering her today as much as they had before she'd had the talk with Ran-kun's Shinichi, but Ran had thought she'd go wandering anyway. It was a good way to meet newcomers, which was good for helping orient them and giving her an idea of who was here. There still wasn't any sign of anyone from her world, but she figured she just had to be patient.

She was walking down one of the hallways, her steps quiet on the plush carpet and one hand lightly trailing its fingers along the wallpaper, when she heard the call.

"...Conan-kun?"

Frowning, Ran tried to pinpoint the voice and hurried in that direction. It wasn't a call for help, but something about the tone.... it seemed off in a way she didn't like.

"Conan-kun? Are you there?"

Conan flinched at the name. Conan-kun. He'd heard Conan more recently and got used to it again, but it was an extra stab to hear her say it. He stopped and looked towards the voice. His throat felt tight, anxiety starting to build, but...

He had too. He had to do it. "I'm here!"

The sound helped Ran to locate him, and in another minute she rounded the corner, nearly stumbling over the tantei. "Conan!"

Or... was it? Ran dropped to her knees, taking a closer look at the boy. He was definitely older than her Conan, and there was something about his expression...

No... not Conan.

"Shinichi?"

Conan jumped back when he nearly stumbled into her, her sudden appearance startling him. He was rather jumpy doing this. He was trying not to be.

He's silent when it was obvious she was studying him. He opened his mouth to reply, but he couldn't quite get his voice to work, so instead he nodded, trying to keep from looking away from her.

He moved his hand to his arm, pulling up the sleeve for where the stitches as healed, the scar obvious. Just to prove which one exactly.

As soon as Ran saw the scar, she drew back, her last memory of this Shinichi being that he hadn't wanted to see her. It had hurt, but she hadn't blamed him. Clearly whatever had happened in his world had done something to him, and if he needed to stay away from her, then she was willing to give him that.

But then why had he been calling her name?

There was a long moment of silence. She tried to think of something to say, wondered if she could even speak around the tightness of her throat, before she finally ventured, "Did... did it heal okay?"

Conan nodded. "Y...yeah." Even if he had to redo a few because of his own recklessness and going after 1412. But...she really didn't need to know that.

"I'm...sorry. About...about before."

Ran shook her head. "Don't be. If you needed it... I don't mind."

Conan averted his gaze, a flinch at the look. He HATED that look. He hated hurting her.

But then he forced himself to look back again. "It....it was a shock," his voice is low, strained. He's fighting to keep himself calm, to keep it together, but still look at her. "It's....it's been a while."

"A while?" Ran repeated, her expression becoming concerned. She desperately wanted to ask what happened, but at the same time wasn't sure if that was a good idea. She'd never been so unable to read Shinichi before, and it bothered her.

"Do you want to go somewhere else?"

The hallway wasn't really the best place to have a talk, after all. And Co-- Shinichi might feel more at ease if she let him pick a place that was more comfortable to him.

Conan nodded. "That'd...probably be the best idea," he said. And after a very, very notable hesitation, he reached out to take her hand. He wasn't looking at her again, but he had grabbed her hand.

Solid. She was solid and there and...

He tried to swallow the knot that seemed to form in his throat, leading her down the hall before opening a door to what he was pretty sure was usually a study.

Ran gave his hand a reassuring squeeze in return, obediently letting him lead her, then peers around the room when he opens the door. "Is this okay?"

Conan nodded. "It's fine. It's...easier to keep calm," Conan said. Study were he could relax, or places where he could be more serious. Not as 'intimate' as his bedroom, but a place where it was okay to act more like a detective.

And it was 'acting like a detective' where he could keep his composure best.

Ran nodded and closed the door behind them for some privacy, waiting for Shinichi to pick a place to sit and when to talk. She didn't have anywhere to be, and certainly didn't want to hurry him.

Conan didn't sit at first, instead pacing a bit, glancing at Ran at every turn. How to start this. He...hadn't thought beyond just not running at seeing her.

But at least this way...it was getting a bit less hard to glance up at every turn. He did this for about ten minutes before he finally stopped. "...you know...you know how bad...some worlds can be, right?"

Since he didn't sit, Ran didn't either, instead staying standing with her hands behind her back. At his question, she nodded, hesitantly.

"I haven't met many of them here, but there's... a lot, back home," she admitted, somewhat helplessly. She hated how many terrible things she'd seen on the community that she'd been unable to do anything about. It was frustrating and painful to watch.

And there were a few things that she'd met in the dressing room as well. She'd gotten used to the ghost Shinichi, but that was partly because she tried so hard not to think about the fact that he was dead when she spoke to him. She couldn't think about how he was once alive, how he once walked and talked and laughed just like her own Shinichi, only to have that taken away from him. It hurt too much if she did. And then there was that world with zombies that the other Conan-Shinichi had mentioned...

"There's a lot back home...? No, never mind. That'd just make this more difficult," Conan said, shaking his head.

"I met alternates. How...how things can go horribly wrong..." Conan said and slowly, he looked up at Ran again, forcing himself to keep looking it. "I...my bad reaction was...was because something horrible happened in my world. Nothing wide scale. Just...one...personal thing."

One personal thing...?

Ran thought back on Shinichi's reaction to seeing her for the first time, how much he'd fought and raved, and felt sick.

"It had something to do with me... didn't it?"

It wasn't entirely a question.

Conan nodded, just once. "There was a reason...I thought I had gone mad."

Slowly, Ran dropped to her knees on the carpet -- partly to be on eye level with Shinichi, but also partly because she wasn't sure her legs were going to support her for the duration of this conversation. They hadn't for the last one, after all.

She could see how much her friend was struggling, and she didn't resist the urge to reach out for him, to try and comfort him somehow. "Shinichi--"

"I...I was...to slow," Conan said, not quite meeting her eyes. "Just...a little too slow."

"Shinichi," Ran repeated firmly, making a bid to take his hand in hers and draw him closer. He looked like he needed a hug or some kind of physical contact, and she was going to give him one if she could. "Don't tell me now if it's too hard for you, okay?"

Conan tensed at the touch, but didn't pull away. He stared at their hands, eyes looking distant. "Ran...I...I told her everything...how I felt...who I was," he said, his voice sounding hollow. "And when I returned..."

His voice cracked. "What good...what good is a detective...who can't at least figure out where his most beloved is in time....?"

Ran stared back, abruptly speared to the core by his words. Can't figure out where his most beloved is in time...

She wanted desperately to deny those words, to pretend that they weren't true, that she thought he meant something else -- but she knew the truth. She just... knew.

She was dead in this Shinichi's world.

Without another word, Ran pulled the shrunken boy into a hug, clinging to him tightly. It might not do any good -- the damage was already done, and even as she hugged him, she knew, she knew that Shinichi would almost definitely have to return to his world again, where she was gone. It was too much to hope that the mansion would keep any of them there forever.

But that didn't stop her from wanting to prove to him that for here, for now, she was with him. That she was still his best friend, and that she still...

...she still loved him.

"I'm sorry," she managed, her voice unsteady despite her attempts to sound strong. "I'm so sorry, Shinichi."

...she was hugging him.

SHE was hugging HIM and it hurt, yet he didn't want to pull away, because it hurt, but still felt RIGHT and he wanted to see her, touch her, hear her. Just have her around, but he already KNOWS it won't last long enough because it just never WILL be enough.

"Ran..." Conan whispered before wrapping his arms around her shoulder, burying his face against her shoulder, his body starting to shake as he tried to fight what was welling up inside him. "I'm sorry...if I'd just been faster...just a bit faster...I could have saved her..."

Ran shook her head vehemently. "It isn't your fault," she insisted, willing him to believe it, her grip not abating in the slightest. "Whatever happened, it's not your fault, Shinichi. It's the fault of the people who -- went after her."

Her head leaned against his, tucking him in her embrace as if she could protect him from what was hurting him. "I bet you did everything you could."