justonetruth | (no subject)

[it's hard to tell if the snap is a response to what she said or what she did, but she isn't sure it matters, gasping as his hand clenches painfully around her wrist. No escape to be found here]

Then where?

[the touch of pain in his statement just before keeps her going, caught between worry and compassion and morbid curiosity. Her eyes fix on the scar, his face, watching his expressions and waiting for another chance to get away.

...And yet she doesn't want to go. She isn't just going to let him kill her, but if there's anything, anything she can do to help him...]

It doesn't even look like it healed right.

Healed just fine.

[or healed just well enough. well enough he can still see, still wear a monocle, still hide it if he needs]

[and he won't tell where, or when, or even who, because that memory is painful and makes him wake up with no voice, staring at the wall in blind terror, fingernails digging into his palms as images rocket across his vision and blood pools and everything comes undone in his memories of a repeating, endless nightmare]

[he retreats to the shield he knows best, face going blank, his gaze on Aoko curiously detached]

[and for some reason that makes her snap, instantly angry in the face of his detachment. She hates that Poker Face when it's used on her. She doesn't expect her Kaito to tell her everything, but that doesn't mean she wants to be shut out entirely. It's already happened far too often for her liking]

Don't do that!!

[he squeezes tighter, abruptly and painfully, a warning of sorts]

[don't-]

[he waits until he can feel bones shifting just a little, the moment before breaking, then holds his grip there]

[she's gasping again with pain, unable to help it, her hand alternating between numbness and throbbing viciously as he pinches a nerve. But she doesn't look away, her gaze steadily and determinedly holding his]

Please, don't hide like that.

[crack]

[some small bone just went, and he's not letting go]

[strong, not weak, never weak - and you, emotion and confusing and everything that you are - I can still hurt you and so I win]

[ow. She winces, doing her best to keep her wrist still, not let the bones move around. It hurts. It hurts a lot more than she can ever remember something hurting before, but there's nowhere to go but forward, even if her voice is shaky with pain]

You don't have anyone to help, do you? No one to talk to?

[she's still pleading for him, not for herself, and even she doesn't know why, why she's persisting despite everything he's done and is.

He's Kaito. That's all there is to it. He's in there somewhere, I can feel it.]

[snap, crackle, pop]

[he lets go now, now that he's done, pushing her hand away roughly because he can - because he sees how still she's holding, because it will hurt more - and smiles coldly, lips curving wihtout any emotion behind them]

I don't need anyone.

[and speaking was a mistake, he knows that now, but the words are said and he can't take them back-]

[her vision goes white for a moment, and she staggers, and swoons--

-- don't faint don't faint don't faint --

-- but recovers, cradling her wrist to her chest. Her words are rough from the effort]

That's a lie.

[he really does have no one. What happened to Aya, to her father, to--]

...What happened to me on your world?

A little girl, with a daddy who's never home and an assassin keeping tabs because someday it might be useful for leverage.

Trying so hard to fit in... So very hard.

[his voice is smooth, unfeeling, then tainted with mocking sympathy]

[but when his gaze lands on her, it slides away likes water, constantly moving - she's too close, too much, and memories of a brighter time, before the dark and the blood and the swirling madness took over - threatening to break through and make thing worse]

[she can't stop the flinch, the words touching on a hidden pain that took a long time to go away, if it ever did. How much harder must it be for that Aoko, to not have the friend she knew and loved...

...But he watched her? He said it was for leverage, but... why hadn't he used her already? Why not threaten her, hurt her? Her father may not be home much, but she knew it would have made him come running]

...What did she do when Kaito died?

[it's a dangerous question on dangerous ground -- she's still having trouble seeing, the pain from her wrist shooting through her head and blinding her, and she misses the way he refuses to look at her]

I think she might have cried~

But I don't know.

I wasn't there.

I didn't see her sobbing into her pillow at night.

And I'm not Kaito, so why should I care?

[is sentances are almost - disjointed, new thoughts slipping in and being said, making a whole with more clarity than he''d like to give, than he is used to giving at all]

...You don't have to.

I just thought that she probably misses him.

[misses you]

Why-

[a crack in the facade, harsh emotion breaking into his voice - poker face was never a strong suit, too used to mad and unpredictable chaos to practice it for long] [but only a crack, and smooth voiced and blank faced regains itself]

Why would anyone miss him?

Why wouldn't she miss him?!

[oh, ow, shouting is a bad idea. So is moving. Aoko takes a moment to compose herself, clutching her wrist tightly, before continuing]

He-- he's her best friend. Aoko grew up with him. And... and he'd show her magic and make her laugh and just be there when she was hurt--

[she's babbling now, trying so hard to make him see--]

--and even if he was broken she'd want to do something to help, because he's done so much for her and she lo--

[no, wait, she can't go putting words in his Aoko's mouth, however strongly she feels about it. Aoko catches the words back with a gasp, almost a sob]

--she wouldn't want to see you hurt. She wouldn't.

[he is stunned, catching onto those few words, broken off, but-]

[she lo-]

[-they confuse him, he wants to know what she was going to say wants to know for sure, because he must]

[she lo-]

No.

[Nobody does. They are-]

Stupid people! So fascinated but they still-

[-want me hurt too.]

...Little miss, I would very much like you to complete that sentance.

"She lo-" [the same inflection, the same pause, same gasp]

She what? You what?

She--

[she doesn't know if she should say this, what this will mean for his Aoko, but she can't not]

I love Kaito.

[her voice is literally throbbing with emotion, with love and pain and need, with all the certainty of childhood and adolescence and an engagement and any number of disasters shared between them]

And your Aoko-- your Aoko might too!

[he shakes his head, and for once, his face is open and bewildered]

Can't-- doesn't know-

[he looks so lost that she tentatively approaches him again, reaching out for him with her uninjured hand -- though that requires leaving her broken wrist unsupported, and she has to take shallow breaths to keep the pain under control]

I can. And I do.

[he reaches out and catches her hand, just barely holding on to it] [does he hold it, crush it, smack it and flee, what - she's done it again, and something aches]

[can't speak]

[can't find the words]

[she flinches slightly, but when his grip doesn't tighten at all, she relaxes and draws closer]

It's okay. Just--

[she gives his hand a squeeze. Gently, reassuringly]

--just breathe. You don't have to say anything.

[-breathe. that's simple. he can do that]

[but this can't be- his expression is still bewildered as he searches for the meaning behind it all, the why- where is the reason for this]

...trusting...

[the word slips out, a broken accusation. trusting gets you hurt]

[the tone explains his meaning even if the words don't]

It's okay to trust. Once in a while.

[who did this to him? What caused him to be like this? She needs to know--]

Sometimes accidents happen, but Aoko... Aoko would never do anything to hurt you on purpose.

Okaasan said that, too.

[his tone is blank, stating fact]

[and he trusted his mother when she said everything would be fine even though you can hear him screaming in the fire and you claw and bite and scream against restraining hands as you try and save the man who taught you everything, who makes your world--]

[she hesitates, not knowing if she wants to know, trying not to let herself sound fearful]

What happened to Aya-san?

Ohjeez. *is PST, stumbles to bed*

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Ohjeez. is PST, stumbles to bed