justonetruth | (no subject)

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[It seems the dressing room is adding to its collection of Rans. What makes this one interesting? Well, let's see...

She evidently hasn't been taking very good care of herself, for starters. She's thin enough for it to be unhealthy, and her eyes are dull and tired-looking. Her clothes are rather plain and neutral, not the bright colours she usually favours, and her hair is suffering the same neglect. Her reactions seem to be affected as well. It takes her a moment to even realize that she's not where she's supposed to be, and it's with more surprise than anything else]

W-where... is this...?

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[Well, if Ran won't be angry ...]

Right! I'm the one who died. So what's your excuse for looking so -- so dead?

Don't this -- Ran, please.

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Don't... []

[Shinichi's touch is impossibly gentle, fingers not wholly there as he wipes her tears away. Her sorrow has knocked his anger out of him, leaving him feeling curiously empty, numb he'd say if he remembered still.]

Like you haven't given up.

I'm trying. I'm --

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I'm trying, but you're making it so hard --

[Shinichi stops still, feeling as though he's been slapped. Ran--

Ran won't even look at him?]

Ran?

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No. No!

[It's lucky, Shinichi can't hold her as he wants. His hands grip her shoulders with all the force he can muster, wanting needing to be heard, felt -- but even that's not more than a light pressure.]

Don't say that, Ran! You don't mean that -- you can't!

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Yes I do! You're not coming back, Shinichi!! [] That won't change!! Please, don't make me--

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[Silence.

Shinichi remembers to lower his hands. He hesitates, unsure what to do with them -- what to do with himself. He's suddenly uncertain of everything, and his form shivers indistinct.]

Ran. You -- don't you want me to stay?

[Cold. He'd forgotten what it felt like, the cold, but he remembers now--]

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I can't -- I shouldn't--

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[It's everything he's most afraid of. Everything he's afraid he deserves and that fear keeps him numb, still as Ran cries.

It's strange. He's felt a lot of things since dying, but this ...

This is the first time he's felt dead.]

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[Shinichi knows exactly what he wants. Hasn't he been turning this over in his mind a million times? He wants Ran to be happy, be safe, be free of the fear and suspicon that haunted the last few months of his life; the grief that has consumed the last six months of hers.

But when he tries to say it --

There's something in her frailty that stops him, something that makes him doubt the words and he can't escape the silence that's stifling him like a shroud.

He struggles against it -- he is Kudou Shinichi! He has faced murderers, blackmailers, extortionists, assassins, his Mom's driving, and he has always been in control. Surely he can answer one single question?

But he can't.]

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If it's what you want, I'll go.

....I don't know what I want any more.

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[Ran's words hang between them like a barrier. She seems impossibly distant and it is only with effort that Shinichi can shake of the stealing cold, will himself into reaction.

His smile is brittle, more for himself than her.] I understand. This is goodbye, then?

[Knowing it's a bad idea, he moves to hug her anyway, the sort of chaste touch she might give Conan. She's tense, doesn't react beyond a trembling sob and Shinichi winces. But he needs this, even if she doesn't, something to take with him if there truly isn't anything else. He doesn't let go, but a moment passes and he is gone all the same.]

((ooc: my guess of Ran's reaction okay or would you like me to redo?))

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