[And the hat's off, one of Kaito's hands trawling through it, frustration letting itself show by an act voluntary instead of not.]
NO. Don't - don't be like that. I - it was my choice to make.
[He's far too used to how he thinks to not recognise the opposite of survivor's guilt - the guilt of those who had left everyone else behind. He didn't need to breathe, but the motions were human and kept him feeling as though he had a place among the ones he existed among.]
I... [But he doesn't quite know what else to say. He shrugs, and purposefully puts Kid's hat down onto a clear space on the table before claiming the adjacent seat.
For a few moments, he's simply still there, letting himself calm down and compose himself and think, something that doesn't have anything really to do with Poker Face but all to do with himself and all that he's learnt since then. When he's done, he looks up with an openly somewhat brittle smile.]
If there's one thing I've learnt, it's that for me especially more than anyone else, I've got to focus on what's in front of me. If I didn't, I'd be damn useless to everyone back home who ... who's counting on me. The ones who know me like this. And right now, I...
[Another deep breath, and he stands up again properly. Head tilted to one side with that brittle smile still on his face, and it's real. For maybe the first time right now, it's real.]
I'd ... if you don't mind - I'd like to get to know you. How things were different. Anything.
[There's a sort of desperation in his eyes. Poker Face didn't shatter... it was taken off momentarily by hand. He's learnt the hard way that it's sometimes the best way.]
no subject
NO. Don't - don't be like that. I - it was my choice to make.
[He's far too used to how he thinks to not recognise the opposite of survivor's guilt - the guilt of those who had left everyone else behind. He didn't need to breathe, but the motions were human and kept him feeling as though he had a place among the ones he existed among.]
I... [But he doesn't quite know what else to say. He shrugs, and purposefully puts Kid's hat down onto a clear space on the table before claiming the adjacent seat.
For a few moments, he's simply still there, letting himself calm down and compose himself and think, something that doesn't have anything really to do with Poker Face but all to do with himself and all that he's learnt since then. When he's done, he looks up with an openly somewhat brittle smile.]
If there's one thing I've learnt, it's that for me especially more than anyone else, I've got to focus on what's in front of me. If I didn't, I'd be damn useless to everyone back home who ... who's counting on me. The ones who know me like this. And right now, I...
[Another deep breath, and he stands up again properly. Head tilted to one side with that brittle smile still on his face, and it's real. For maybe the first time right now, it's real.]
I'd ... if you don't mind - I'd like to get to know you. How things were different. Anything.
[There's a sort of desperation in his eyes. Poker Face didn't shatter... it was taken off momentarily by hand. He's learnt the hard way that it's sometimes the best way.]